Am I an ElderGrace or OlderGrouch? Depends on who you ask, and what time of day you ask them. How about you? Remember when your mom warned you that if you kept that grouchy face on, it would harden up like that? She was right. Look around you. Or just listen. There are those of us who have suffered a severe hardening of the attitudes and a constipation of compassion, and it doesn't matter if we're in the presence of loving family or politicians.
And then there are the others, – grey of hair, a little unsteady of gait, some trembling of hands perhaps, but a smiling cheerfulness in a presentation that makes theirs a favourite lap for little ones. For some it's just natural while for others it takes work to keep the smiles in place even if their disposition really is generally a happy one.
With age, as muscles begin to sag, our appearance can seem to portray bad temper or even vacancy, and we have to say nice things to let others know we're OK. We have to work a bit to present a happier outlook, and if we don’t have one, we need either to fake it ‘til we make it or stay away from people. It would be easy to climb up on my soap box to give a lecture on how to age gracefully, but I can't do that. I'm scared of heights and it's too early in the day and I hate lectures.
Some mornings I don't want to even stick my nose out from under the covers, much less read or hear any news. Do you know that feeling? So, when I do get up on those mornings, I am not in the most receptive mood to discover what new chaos has been visited upon me by megalomaniacal politicians or children. The behaviour of the latter I could usually tolerate with a few grumbles and an aspirin; other things, not so much.
I found this list of gripes while clearing out some folders on my desktop, figuring better I do it now before someone finds it when I'm in my dotage and has me confined some place unpleasant. Some of them may be a tad dated, but you'll recognize the events or situations. And if you have a similar list, maybe we could band together and seize power in a great Geriatric Gerrymandering and … naw, I'm going back to bed 'til I can put on a happy face.
But, here's my list. Whatta you got?
1. Duty-free liquor purchases are a problem. Why is there a duty on liquor, wines or beer produced in another province?
2. Alberta wants a nuclear reactor in the tar sands (and it is "tar sands" no matter what the PR spin doctors say). They will use atomic power to heat the soil to aid in extracting the oil in the tar sands. Then they will sell the oil at previously-agreed upon and non-negotiable fixed-forever rates to the US and China or Japan. Northern Alberta will have a wasteland of destroyed permafrost and lots of nuclear waste with a very long half-life. Southern Alberta will have access to the trans-Canada highway and an escape route to BC. Many of them are using it even as you read, and house prices in the Kootenays are on a steep climb in anticipation. Land that hasn’t already been used for casinos or golf courses and is still flat enough to pour concrete on, will become as scarce as healthy pine trees in the interior.
3. Money is a species that is born in Canada in Ottawa, migrates offshore to grow large feeding on indentured labour as loans to developing economies and then returns to spawn a national debt in the form of a balance of trade deficit. I think,– global economics not being my strongest suit.
4. China is stripping computers and poisoning her own people. There is a zero-sum process in operation here which will eventually see China unable to strip any more computers because all of the people doing so will have died and the rest of the population will be sterile from inhaling the fumes produced in that process.
5. Housing projects could be financed/provided by repossessed homes freed up by defaulting owners in wake of the negative-prime mortgages fiasco, and the projects when completed could then be rented back to those previously defaulting owners on a "pay-what-you-can" basis in co-operative housing tracts.
6. Public grocery stores could operate in competition with the 3 large conglomerates now controlling all food prices in the nation. See other countries to find out how it works.
7. In the business of education, free university is a possibility. Other countries do it. Rural service in subsidized housing for set periods in needy communities could be a payback system. Also, free school lunches should be provided to every child in a buffet system with no "bad" (unhealthy) food or drink items.
8. Metric Mayhem & Creeping Continentalism
Sign at BC Ferries on-ramp (BC being metric-ified with the rest of Canada):
“Please park within 24 inches of vehicle ahead of you.”
Fortunately, most older Canadians are bilingual in measurement systems. As are Aussies who are not about to give up their full "pint" of beer, Peruvians with petroleum products purchased in US gallons for driving on roads with speed limits set in kilometres per hour and Italians who buy gasoline by the litre and don’t care what the speed limit is or how it’s measured.
9. Some restaurants in Canada, even in Victoria (Oh, the horror), now provide pots of hot water, cups and tea bags, all separate. This is anathema, a sacrilege bordering on the desecration of holy places and evidence that the evil empire looms over us and days of infamy are come upon us.
10. Sterilize people at birth and have them apply for parenting privilege when they reach the age of discretion, if they ever do.
For those of you who are already out of bed and out there making life better for so many of my fellow citizens, thank you. I'll be with you in a bit.